LoveAlwaysKalli

“Loving you is a like a song I replay

Every three minutes and thirty seconds of every day (uh, uh)

And every chorus was written for us to recite (right)

Every beautiful melody of devotion every night

It’s potion like this ocean that might carry me

In a wave of emotion to ask you to marry me

And every word, every second, and every third

Expresses the happiness more clearly than ever heard (uh)

And when I play them, every chord is a poem

Telling the Lord how grateful I am cause I know him (what? word)

The harmonies possess a sensation similar to your caress (uh)

If you asking then I’m telling you it’s yes

Stand in love, take my hand in love, God bless (right)”

—- If you don’t know where this is from shoot yourself!!!

________________________________________________

“Right now lets stay in the present

Can’t worry bout tomorrow cause today is a blessin
The world in a state of aggression
I find calm in you
I see my mom in you
It’s like a feelin’ in ya stomach
when you want it so bad
If we keep keeping it fresh
it ain’t gonna go bad
I’ve been through the valley of love
Rode through the shores of Cali
just to find peace of mind
Looking to the sky
asking for at least a sign
Beautiful you came at such a decent time
When we combine it’s like good food and wine
Flavorful yet refined
You remind me of the divine
So easy
Love can be lost and then found, like Stevie
I just love having you around
you wearing the gown
I’m wearing the crown
pound for pound
we the freshest couple in town”

—- Common on “Tell me what we’re gonna do now” by Joss Stone

I am not quite sure if all my friends are concerned for me or they are trying to hook me up or what, but lately I’ve been frequently getting asked “Well, what are you looking for in someone?” 

Now I could give the cliche answer of nice, compassionate, considerate but what it has really boiled down to is this… A Godly man. Yes, that’s what I want. However, let me clarify on this…

If truth be told I don’t spend every Sunday in church or every night reading the bible. I go to church when I can, and for the most part I let the bible be read to me via this nifty app on my phone. So when I say I want a Godly man this is by no means measured by the hours he spends in church or if he can quote the bible.

I want someone whose heart believes in the Lord, and more importantly who trusts faithfully in him. Someone who gives it all to God throughout life’s triumphs and through life’s trials. A man who can stop fighting the ways of the world and say “God, I am going to let you do what you do because I know you can do it better than I can.”

See this is my relationship with God and though each person has a unique relationship with the Lord, the base of this needs to be similar in a relationship. It is all great when you are happy and things are easy among two people, it is easy then to thank the Lord and trust he is doing the right thing. But, what happens when it starts to get shaky? If just one of you can’t keep that trust in God your relationship will #Crumble and stay #Rubble. 

So yes, I need a Godly man. One who can give it to God always and therefore not let the ups and downs of life distract him. A (hu)man that has full trust in Lord will naturally only have time to love. 

I once felt this person touch my hand and without doubt it sent a shock all the way to my heart. His presence made my blood shoot like the stars. His voice elevated me. It was a passion I never knew.

I believed every word he said. I never wondered what he was doing and his touch made me feel safe.  I felt as if there were to be an earthquake the world could crumble, but if I were in his arms I would still be standing. It was a trust I never knew.

This man is not, unfortunately, the same person. He, rather they, are two different people. Neither lasted. For a while I missed the passion and was deeply concerned that I would never find it again. But now, as I venture back into the vulnerability of my heart it is the trust that I realize I need. And, it is trust that stirs a rare form of passion that typically goes unnoticed. The passion that lies in the calm before the storm when the waters are so soft it’s hard to see them move. When your heart is almost beating too slow because your mind is at peace. How did I miss it?

Ideally we would all like to have both, and by no means am I negating that the two can occur with the same person. My revelation here is don’t dismiss something because it appears to simple. In fact, embrace the calm, embrace being able to breathe in someone else’s being without feeling like you need an oxygen tank to survive. Start here because what good is a spark to your heart if you can’t trust that it won’t fizzle, or jump start someone else’s heart too? Passion without trust leads to lust, and lust leads to greed and jealousy. In my opinion it’s harder to passionately trust than to passionately lust. However, nothing golden comes easy.  

Isn’t it weird just moving in and living with a family you just met?…

My answer: NO

—————-

Now, my answer isn’t no bc I didn’t stop to think about how I could be murdered and never found by moving in with complete strangers. Trust me, I watch plenty of Law and Order SVU, CSI Miami, and The First 24 to not contemplate the horrific possibilities that could occur. My answer is no because I believe in the human connection. The thing that occurs the moment you meet someone. The human race spends far too much time evaluating each other externally. What kind of car you drive, where you work, etc. I like to evaluate someone by their smile and their eyes bc truth be told it is where your soul seeps out. It takes way less time to just feel someone’s essence than to learn of their paper credentials. Plus, what’s on paper won’t tell you if their kind, compassionate, or loving. So, I judge people based on whether or not their smile and eyes can speak to me. Might sound crazy, but I have never been wrong and have always ended up with the best of the best in my life.

—————-

My other reasoning for my answer is faith. God always takes you where you need to be and the sequence of events that led me here couldn’t have been plotted out by anyone other than the Lord. When doors open walk through them and if someone’s soul is beaming through their smile… Thank the Lord and smile back!

—————-

Some call me brave, fearless, etc. I like to call myself faithful. Take the time to give God time and trust him when he takes you somewhere. Take time to benefit from someone’s smile. Most importantly let your soul shine back. Smile big with kindness in your eyes. Seriously people, see where it gets you and let me know :)

LoveAlways,

Kalli

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.~

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.~

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.~

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.~

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.~

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it’s not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.~

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”~

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.~

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.~

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.~

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.~

I had packed a suitcase, called a cab, and waited for it to arrive. Upon arrival I placed my suitcase in the trunk. There wasn’t much in it, just a few things. I got in the front seat of the cab, though didn’t harass the driver with conversation which is typical of me. When I had reached my destination I paid the driver and asked for $7 back. He told me I tipped too much and gave me back more. Then I got out of the taxi and proceeded to retrieve my luggage from the trunk. But, before I could get it the taxi drove off! I stood there in an empty, dark parking lot alone yelling for him to come back. Once I realized he was gone and not turning around I began to cry. Then a man approached me and asked what was wrong. I replied, “That taxi cab just stole my luggage, my whole life was in that suitcase. All of it, I need it back.” I began to cry harder until I opened my eyes and found myself lying in bed.

—-

Yes, it was a dream and I don’t know about you but I look up all my dreams. I pinpoint the most vivid parts, what caused the most emotion, and I find the symbolic meaning behind it.

—-

Cab

To dream that you are hailing a cab suggests that you need to ask for help in order to be able to move forward in some waking situation.

To dream that you are in a cab indicates that you are being taken for a ride. Someone is taking advantage of you.

—-

Getting your luggage stolen or items from your luggage is actually a good symbol in a dream.

It is a request to let go of baggage or past issues that you are carrying around. It doesn’t matter in the dream what is in the bags. The bags represent issues that are holding you back.

—-

Parking Lot

To dream of a parking lot represents an issue or situation in your life that you are stuck in. It reflects an inability or unwillingness to move on or overcome a problem.

—-

Now, for those who know me on an intimate level this is going to come across as a … NO DUH KALLI. But few know me like that, so this will need some explanation.

—-

My whole life has been a huge compilation of things to beware of, things to protect myself from, to run from, hide from, etc. Between various relationships, or the lack there of, my defense system has been built so strong that I let very few people in. When someone does something to me I immediately relate it to a past experience and lose trust in that person. Well, we all know if you can’t trust someone, you can’t love someone. So here I am, not incapable of loving, but incapable of letting whatever love I have for someone to actually be exposed. For the past year I have been trying to work my way through this. Let go of those who have hurt me and the things they have done. Let go of how I have failed people, and the hurt that may have caused upon them. So it makes a lot of sense for 24 yrs to be in one suitcase and me being devastated that someone just stole it. But I know I am ready to lose that luggage and I don’t want it back. As for the cab and parking lot…

—-

Lately I have been at battle with myself as certain situations have tested my character and morals. I have found myself battling with love and what God wants me to do with it. I can’t help but feel though that this is his challenge to me, to see if I can let go of everything and let love in. His challenge to me to be vulnerable.  His challenge to me to trust him all the way, which I know I do, but how much can I trust myself? I don’t want to be riding in cab for the rest of my life just to end up in an empty parking lot.

—-

Dreams are a funny thing, and might just be God’s way of communicating with me. So, I am ready to let go because clearly it is time. As for my current predicament, it will find its way. For a while I was trying to sort out what part of it to take with me, which part to leave behind, which is probably why it had me standing in an empty parking lot with nothing. But my hands need to be empty… if you’re busy gripping the handle to a suitcase with the weight of 24 yrs you’ll need two hands, and two occupied hands can’t hold the outreached hands of God.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I66SDeRQSJ4&ob=av2e 

I am too weak to dig through these walls with a spoon

they are too thick

rejecting the light of the moon

but they are moving in

weighing down on my chest.

Your hands will need to save this epic mess.

-

It may kill you

this prison break.

Your legs numb

fingers weak

mind spinning

heart failing to speak

-

Yes, this prison break might kill you.

-

But my airways are closing

my heart beating to slow to make a sound

this prison break will save me

from this merry go round.

-

Yes, this prison break might kill you

-

But everything in life

is worth a price.

Maybe we can make this prison break

A life… for a life.

If I traced my finger tips, eyes closed

from your forehead,

on to your cheekbones,

thumbs grazing your nose until

my finger tips found your lips,

I would know you stranger—-

I would know you stranger if

my lips replaced my fingertips

and my body inhaled your passion and

if your hands devoured my petiteness while

your scent intoxicated me—-

If your eyes glanced at me in a crowd and

your smile reflected in the sun until

it found its way to my heart to be pumped

straight through to my soul and

resided in me forever.

I would know you stranger—-

I would know you stranger if

your voice trickled into my ears and

your words flooded my thoughts. Yet

if the very character of your being

could only be found in silence;

your pain, compassion, pride, happiness

I would STILL know you

Stranger…

Stranger. Stranger. Stranger.

I’ve never known a stranger so well.

People spend lifetimes trying to define love. What is it? Who is it? Where do you find it? How long does it last? How does it truly feel? Put love into words…

Harmonious… no, love is not always harmonious.

Wonderful… no, love is not always wonderful.

Perfection… no, love is not always perfect.

The list could go on and some of you may already disagree with my rejection of the above terms. But love can be imbalanced, love can be destructive, love can be flawed.

In fact, the word, the feeling everyone is looking for, trying to define is not love. It is acceptance.

To accept yourself, to accept others… this is where we find “Love”.

To love yourself you must accept that you are flawed, mistake prone, breakable, vulnerable, and a million other things we hate to admit. Recognize that by nature you are not “perfect” and be ok with that.

To love others you must accept that they are and aren’t just like you. Yes, they are human and flawed, but they will not think like you, make the decisions you would make, or even dream like you.

You must accept that these “negative” attributes, these differences are necessary. Without them your own positives and the positives in others would cease to exist. You must accept that the world needs balance, ying and yang, and this requires a difference.

You must accept that to love yourself and others, acceptance is your only hurdle.

So, accept yourself for who you are right now. Accept the people in your life for who they are right now. Tomorrow neither of you will be the same, so accept that too. If you can truly do this, accept yourself and others with the knowledge that difference and change is inevitable, you will find “love”.

Acceptance; comes without judgment, allows the eyes to open & the heart to breathe, connects souls, breeds compassion, inspires gratitude, finds GOD. This is love.

Where there is acceptance, there is love. God is love.